The Life and Times of Peter Green
Archive: 9 May - 21 May 1997
Manage to squash the remainder of the overseas newsletters into our
bags, it saves us a fortune mailing whilst on holidays, but with so
many people it's rather ridiculous. Yes customs person, 5000
newsletters, 50 videos and 2 pairs of Calvins.
So here we are on the plane, up in the top, a touch of the music
industry rubbing shoulders with all the "suits". Watched "The Relic"
on the way to NZ; a silly movie with some gore-ish special effects.
Once again we fill the Auckland mailbox and go to the VIP lounge and
eat all their dry apricots. There is never anyone VIP-ish in these
lounges . . . so no celeb. spotting Diary fans --sorry. HQ Magazine
has a great Rollins article and a good one on sexy ol' Judith Lucy--
she's part of Radio JJJ's Lady's Lounge--it's a favorite in our
office . . . She looks good these days but she has to stop talking
about her tits!
Arrive in L.A. Clear customs and our bags are out first (thank you
Qantas) . . . all in the space of 20 minutes. Arrive at the Holiday
Inn only to find that a huge UFO has parked itself outside--soon
learn that there is a UFO convention inside. Classic guests like
Swami Moi-Ra Mar-E-Dove, Filipina Psychic Surgeon and more. Walking
back from Ralph's Mark spots Angelique cruising by in her Pink
Call Mum later on as Australia is a day ahead so it's Mother's Day.
A lot of my adopted USA family arrives today. First in is Spy Di--
she is probably dictating this segment of the Diary, I know she'll be
tempted to tidy up my grammar, etc. We'll soon know . . . We hire a
car and drive up and down Wilshire Blvd. trying to find this Hi Fi
shop for an optical cable. Wilshire is so silly, it has numbers
everywhere. We get out of the car thinking it's the right address,
it isn't; but to Di's and Mark's amusement, two guys sitting on the
corner make mention of my black Levi's. One says "Oh they are so
tight, how on earth did you get them on man? " That was all and no
they weren't very tight but Di and Mark found it VERY funny--me
thinks it's revenge from all the years of torture. An hour later we
found the store plus bonus points--a Crown Books Super Store. Crown
is my fave book shop--so many cool books and always a bargain, some
titles 30% off.
We get back and Christina, Elizabeth and Nicole are here. My darling
dwarf wife knows this great restaurant (name escapes me--no that's
not what it is called--I've just forgotten), it's down the far end of
Melrose. Christina has hired a red convertible--driving down Melrose
it looks like a remake of the Go-Go's "Our Lips Are Sealed" video.
Food, wine and great conversation, I like these people. Great sex
and sin talk, interrupted only by a belly dancer. Miss Ferret
whispers "I can do that"--the belly dancer has good ears and lunges
at our table. "Who said that?"--of course I point to Elizabeth,
dying to see her belly dance. We try hard to get "E" to reinstate
her new career, but it's no go. We all end up in suite 1011, more
talking late into the night--a nice start to the journey.
Well it's my birthday--none of my Australian friends bothered to call-
-so you are all out of the will. But my adopted family steal us away.
I suggest "Highland Grounds" which is one of the few places in
America that has good coffee. Hmmm . . . someone who looks a lot
like Brad Pitt was 2 tables away--we let him admire our beauty. Next
stop Aaron's--which always has a great 2nd hand CD area. How many
record company people scrape in the extra $$ by selling promo CD's?
I seem to buy mostly Australian artists like Snout and yes
Silverchair. Next we take the convertible back up to Melrose. We
head straight to "Red Balls"; Christina finds some shoes next door.
Almost buy some blue mohair pants--now I'm glad I didn't. We then
venture into "Wasteland". Spy Di trys on a red "Annie-ish" frock and
thankfully sharp shooter Mary Anne K. took a snap. She's flown in
for a quick visit and brings along her friend Judy. My USA family is
At 7:00PM it's off to El Coyote. The lovely Erika joins us--she
baked this amazing blue birthday cake that matches her blue tips and
lipstick. Plus a whole jumble of presents--from a Mr. Potato Head
foot massager, to my favorite a stuffed "Birthday Otter" (holding a
cake.) Receive some other incredible pressies like the Gryphon and
Seville postcard set--really special, and a crazy Star Trek Holograph
pic. Spoilt Gryphon. They hide us away in our own room at El Coyote-
-Erika wants me to steal the huge seventies era grape lights hanging
from the ceiling. Nicole invites her ex--William--very cute Nicole .
. . of course all the way home we give her useless suggestions on how
to "re-snare" him. Will she or won't she? Finally we end up seeing
the "Austin Powers" movie. I'm sure Mary Anne was stealing hip
fashion ideas for her next range. What a great movie, go see it--
very funny. The dialogue is addictive.
Well it's one of those silly days. We make everyone say bits from
the Austin Powers movie. Scarily enough Spy Di is starting to sound
like Austin (who is a spy--work that one out . . . but Austin IS a
man and Di is all woman). Her version of "that's not my bag baby"
sounds VERY Austin-ish. Easily movie of the month. The UFO people
have left the building and someone taped a huge black "X" on my
window. Did Mulder visit and was he wearing his tea cup?
We drive across the border (past area 25) and visit Elizabeth and
the adorable Mort. What a ferret and you could tell that MA
Pineapplehead misses her's as she spun Mort through the air. M.A.P.
is surely Mort's new Auntie--he loves her (must be the Cheerios!)
Next we all head to the local "Pic & Save". For non-Americans it's
kind of like a discount/last chance to sell it store. You can get
such gems as tongue scrapers and giant noodles for your pool. I
splash out on "Little White L'Eyes" eyes . . . They have ugly
painted eyes on them, that perfect gift. After a giant noodle fight
with Mark which is only out done by the various friends fighting for
a better camera position, we find some attachable Reindeer Antlers
for Hairball the cat. Next Di has a new spy tool to fight evil. She
bounds around the corner on a huge blue "bounce ball" and crashes
into the drink cooler stand. But wait, the winning item a "Michael
Jackson Moon Walker Mug"--it's a tragic reproduction with long arms
and shoes on the mug, Michael's hat pops up to pour the beverage in.
Tacky--love it, time for a Neil Finn mug and yes I am joking, we
could never get the right hairstyle. Finally we raid the fake flower
stands and we hop on our knees, arms full of flowers, all for Nicole.
As the security camera turns our way, we scream and depart the store.
We go see "Volcano"--some good lava effects, but the script--
urghhhh. What did we expect?
Head to Beverly Hills to try and get some Peruvian money--no such
luck. Half of Hollywood Blvd. was closed off for the 12 of us to see
Johnny Grant (yes who) put his hands in the wet cement at Mann's
Theatre. Finally we found out he was the honorary Mayor of Hollywood.
All seemed silly to us . . . coming from a group of adults with
bouncer balls and 7 foot pool noodles . . . . . Spend the afternoon
with Nic and Di posing for a portrait by Russian artist Anna . . . we
know all the secrets now comrade.
The ABC-7 News reader Christine Lund wins our award for Best Drag
Queen on TV . . .oh she's a real woman, sorry Christine.
Di flys home, we miss her already. We watch "The People Vs. Larry
Flynt" and Courtney Love was great. We loved Reverand Jerry
Falwell's quote on Larry: "The depth of his depravity sickens me".
We still want to know if Jerry Falwell had felatio with a sheep--
maybe it's better not to know. Sadly, Courtney's scenes of shooting
up Larry looked very Kurt Cobainish . . . . . Must have freaked her
Wake up early, Nicole is dancing nude around the room . . . OK that's
a lie, Mark says she snored like a buzz saw--wasn't that bad. He's
so mean today. We three share a taxi, Nicole is heading home and we
are off to Peru. Nicole confesses that she IS the Miss July pin-up
for Hustler Magazine and has been off the internet list promoting her
month . . .we'll believe it. We spent 10 minutes in Houston, then
straight onto Lima. Arrive at midnight. Lima is a permanent street
festival--we get no sleep (again).
Up at 6:00AM and catch our flight to Cusco. Our guru and guide
Santiago gets us to our flight on time--we admire the 30 people
hanging off the 1950's bus that roars past. When we arrive at Cusco
a local representative is there to meet us . . . the phones between
Lima and Cusco are really crackly . . . the sign he is holding says
Mr. Creep--in a Peruvian accent Green can sound like Creep; no OK how
about this, Mr. Creep was on our plane and we stole his
representative. OK it's me, I am Mr Creep. A week later and Mark is
still laughing, about that and the tight pants. Pose for a snap
with the Mr. Creep sign--the rep. now thinks I'm Mr. Weird--"uhmm why
do you want my sign?" . . .
Our accommodations the Libertodor Hotel is the best in town, nice and
central too. We walk all over Cusco, but we take it slow because of
the rise in altitude (13,000 feet.) We know we'll get altitude
sickness (the locals call it "soroche"), everyone does. One of the
best finds is the Cusco Market. It's huge, bigger than Melbourne's
Victoria Market. It goes on forever, heaps of bizzare fruits,
mangoes as big as footballs, containers of live frogs, great herbs,
bags of chicken heads (urgh). The bootleg cassette store already had
the new INXS cassete--but he hadn't sold any. No Crowded House, only
Men At Work.
Another night with no sleep, headaches and the air seems thin. At
2:00AM I wake up with irregular breathing, gasping for air (cheyne-
stokes). I collapse into the bathroom and stick my head into a bowl
of water . . . anything with an "O" in the formula (H2O). Take some
Panadols and climb back into bed. Sleep by no means comes to soon . .
. . .
Climb out of bed before our wake-up call--feel like I'm on tour.
Grab our free American brekky and meet our Mr. Creep guide in the
foyer. Several hours later and we are on the train to Machu Picchu.
It's only two carriages this time, but in a month it will be 10 as
the tourist season reaches it's peak. Mark still has his altitude
sickness, but we'll descend a few thousand feet so that should help
us both. The "little" station at the end of the line is not so
little any more, since I was in Peru last a whole town has sprouted
up. At it's peak (bad pun) Machu Picchu gets 1500 people per day.
It's still an incredible wonder, we break away from the tour guide . .
. 2 hours later we hear "Mr. Green" echoing across the ruins. We
give him the slip and explore . . . no toilets in the ruins, and I
still feel guilty watching my pee plummet off the 3000 ft. cliff. We
are staying up here tonight at the Pueblo Hotel Machu Picchu--all
separate small cabin type rooms, white stucco, subdued lighting and
Alpacha blankets, a huge spider, open shower, Inca mirror . . . did I
say a huge spider?? !! The room service boy removes it . . . into a
new dimension (splat). Hope we sleep well tonight.
The Pueblo Hotel is great, have a really nice sleep. It's incredible
to wake up and look out the roof windows and see the Andes towering
above you. You can even see the snow capped Cordillera Vilcabamba in
the distance. Housekeeping trys to make us leave at 10:00 but I
haggle a further 2 hours out of them.
We have lunch on the Pueblo's balcony, the wild rapids of the
Urubamba River crashing below us. This is a very cool hotel, so if
you are planning a trip to Peru check out the Pueblo. Walk through
the small town and grab some bargains, a huge Alpacha blanket and
weird hair clips. The train stops for us at the hotel and takes us
back to Cusco. We'll miss Machu Picchu and it's charms. Shop until
midnight in the main square, drink Cusco's beer and meet a dude in a
leather jacket (rare).
Sleep in, watch CNN--be a slob. Mark thinks he needs a lung
transplant because of the lack of air. Wow, it's raining--shopping
in the rain. Most shops are closed, but the street market off Sol is
looking good. Mark buys this great hand knitted Alpacha coat for 35
sols--about $13 AUD!! Look for a musical birthday present for Neil,
could only find flutes.
Wake up to the sound of Cusconians going to work. Arrive at the
airport and we are under siege by baggage handlers. The security at
Cusco airport is a joke. The metal detector goes off and no one
bothers to check you, some people simply walk around the machine.
We arrive in Lima, it's definitely Cusco's nemesis, Cusco is so
magical, clear skys (with thin air), people walking, beautiful old
buildings; Lima is crazy with traffic and traffic jams, smog, rubbish
in the streets--mad. We end up watching Bridget Bardot movies all
night. Hmmm, wonder if we've had our 12,000th hit on the Diary site
Watch Eric Estrada (ex CHIPS) South American Soapie, it's really bad.
Spend the day walking around Lima. The police and military are
everywhere, the trucks with the water canons are patrolling the
squares--definitely a military presence. Lima seems to be full of
jean shops and shoe stores. Lunch is at KFC, Suede are playing over
the p.a. Santiago picks us up at 8:30 in the evening to catch the
midnight flight to New York. After Lima's mad drivers, the Big Apple
taxi drivers will be a godsend.
Well our holiday is half over. Was hoping to catch up with Deb in
NYC but our Continental flight was messed up from South America and
we didn't get in until really late. "First Contact" was playing on
the plane, I could just stay awake and watch it. The next Diary
update will go up when I get home. Take care everyone.
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